Okay, put down your pitchforks if this one got you riled up. I didn't make the rules; I'm just out here watching the game.
The topic inspired some of the most defensive responses of all the open calls I've put out on social media. I asked for people's anonymous experiences of either being asked for or asking for money and gifts from dates, and many felt compelled to tell me that they'd never do such a thing. One man wrote that he'd never "rob someone of self-achievement by supporting a transactional sex relationship," which was a little intense for a discussion on Sunday at 7 a.m. — but, okay, noted. (Side note: Projecting much? It sounds like this guy has bought one too many Gucci bags before getting ghosted.)
That man seemed to imply that someone living the sugar-baby lifestyle exists in a kind of welfare state where they are supported, but I don't think that's the case. Free markets operate on a system of supply and demand, and everyone I spoke to who admitted to one end of the bargain confirmed that we are talking about a two-way street. People ask because others are willing.
Yes, seeking arrangements where one person provides sex and beauty and the other provides financial support is transactional — every job is transactional. And make no mistake, the sugar-baby lifestyle is a job — or at least a lucrative side hustle. It's widespread, even if it's usually only spoken of in hushed tones.
There are well-established dating sites for it, like Seeking, whose "How It Works" section makes at least a show of standards by saying, "If you want to date the most beautiful women in the world, you need to bring more to the table than mere financial assets. Similarly, to connect with wealthy gentlemen, you need to hold yourself to a higher standard to create the lifestyle you want."
Recently, however, some of my single friends have noticed that sugar babies, as well as daddies and mamas, are trickling into the mainstream dating pool, where the arrangement hasn't been predetermined or even implied. It's the mash-up no one wanted — like Nickelback collaborating with the Ying Yang Twins. This is where things get awkward.
One friend, a divorced dad who owns his own business, told me that on at least three occasions, dates have asked for babysitting money or sent Venmo requests for Ubers to dinner. One woman wore a $15,000 necklace she proudly noted was a gift from a previous first date. There was no second date.
I know what some of you are thinking. Who was this first date? What is his phone number? Is he still single? While we might hold ourselves to higher standards, we can also admit that some sugar sounds nice.
These women may sound bold, but like I said before, there's a market for that. People are asking because others are offering. One woman told me about a first date where a guy offered her $1,000 for each subsequent date; he was also open to providing a flat monthly fee.
"I was totally blindsided," she said. "I legit just thought I was just on a Hinge date."
The experience rattled her. She asked her friends what about her dating profile pictures read "escort," but came up short of an answer.
If we are truthful with ourselves, though, is the sugar baby that much different from the women or men out there playing the long game with their wealthy partners? At least there's something honest about wearing it proudly. I also wouldn't discount the possibility that the sugared are genuinely attracted to the talent and power of their benefactors.
It's not my thing, but I also don't judge people who date for money too harshly. Miami is expensive; not everyone is born into the lucky sperm club.
I do hope, respectfully, that those seeking arrangements divulge that kind of thing before meeting up with dates. That said, if everyone is upfront with eyes wide open, you gotta respect the hustle.
