For many voters in this election, it felt like the stakes had never been higher. Battle cries aside, though, the people have spoken, our sides have won or lost, and most people can agree that it's time to move forward as a nation. Hopefully, that means we can embrace our friends and colleagues who think differently than we do while continuing to fight our good fights, but it's not so simple when it comes to our romantic partners.
The dating environment leading up to Election Day and its aftermath has become uncomfortably politically heated. Even those who haven't suffered directly have probably seen the ripple effects.
For the past two weeks, Reddit, TikTok, and the mainstream media have flooded newsfeeds with talks of American women adopting South Korea's 4B feminist movement. If you haven't heard of it, this is an edict that encourages females to protest restrictions of their reproductive rights — and deliver an eff you to the charming men saying things like "your body, my choice" — by abstaining from sex, dating, pregnancy, and marriage.
Is 4B truly gaining traction in the United States? It's too early to tell, but the movement is certainly making a lot of noise. It's not surprising that the issue of female reproductive rights is affecting the way we date, and I'm not talking about women as a monolith who all voted a particular way. The numbers are out, and we know that isn't the case.
I interviewed several single and married people whose romantic lives were affected by the 2024 election, and the common thread appears to come down to compatibility. Sometimes, but not always, our political leanings are a mirror of our values and morals. Stating the obvious here, I know, so let's go deeper.
Leading up to the 2020 election, I lived in a house divided. My otherwise peaceful marriage was upended with every election, with one of us choking on our liberal tears while talking about rights while the other lamented tax plans as a fiscal conservative. We each had our wins and losses over the years but fell back into normalcy shortly after ballots had been counted. (We aren't together anymore, but that has nothing to do with politics. We remain close friends who send each other triggering political memes at every opportunity.)
Many of us prefer to date within our political parties, though, and one man I interviewed saw the 2024 election as a unique opportunity to meet like-minded women. He approached political events and fundraisers supporting his candidates as the ultimate kind of speed-dating opportunity. Ultimately, those events did not result in a same-side relationship, but women expressing their post-Election Day feelings on Instagram have presented what he calls "an opportunity to connect with someone in a positive way about the election."
Another man I spoke with described ending a budding relationship because of political differences. Things had been going well, with no talks of the candidates until the woman he was dating posted a meme of Trump dancing. The caption read "Monday mood." He DMed her, saying, "I'm not sure what this means. If you like Trump, press 1. If you don't like Trump, press 2." She pressed one, and that was the end. He, a moderate Democrat, couldn't envision a long-term commitment with a woman whose worldview differed from his.
In a post-Election Day landscape, however, the results have changed more than just how he dates. "With the way the laws have changed and opposing viewpoints, I am considering a vasectomy for the first time ever because the stakes are so high."
Don't worry too much, though. I spoke with plenty of opposite-side couples who did make it through, albeit with a few scrapes and bruises along the way. One woman admitted to me that she even considered divorce at some points during the election process. "Conversations got heated, emotions were heightened. Ultimately, I try to separate my husband, as a man and a human, from his political beliefs."
The outcome of the election was a sting for her and a win for him, but she says that her husband didn't gloat or throw anything in her face, which softened the blow. "We are both so passionate about what we believe is right for this country. Can we be an example of two people from opposite sides of the political spectrum coming together? That you can still love and respect someone with different political views than you?"
We seem to be letting our political leanings define us now more than ever. From a dating standpoint, maybe that's a good thing, allowing us to weed out potential partners who just aren't ever going to get us. For those of you already in opposite-side partnerships, I hope you can find grace for each other in the chaos.
