Let's zoom out for a minute: We are living in a timeline where more people than ever are choosing to be single. According to the most recent United States Census, 49 percent of adult Americans are unmarried, and Psychology Today has found half of all single people have no desire to be in a relationship. Why not? That's a topic for another column, but potential reasons include negative past experiences, shifting priorities, and an affinity for the single life.
Adding to that, Tinder's Year in Swipe™ — the app's annual report about dating trends — suggests its members have become more intentional about dating, maintaining clear standards for who and what they're seeking. The report also claims situationships are on the way out (thank God).
Where does that leave us, then, when we're in between those elusive serious relationships? Emotional connections aside, our biological needs remain, which is why I'm advocating for 2025 to be the year of casual sex — not "maybe this will lead to something" or "I've always had a crush on this person" rendezvous — true, no-strings-attached arrangements.
There are masters of this type of hookup hiding in plain sight, and they don't get enough credit for the beautiful service they provide our lonely loins. They might look like fuckboys to the untrained eye, and the politically incorrect among us might refer to them as "sluts," but in reality, they are the unlikely heroes of our dry spells.
I've been in the orbit of one such savior over the last year (one of my boyfriend's best friends). This proximity affords me an unfiltered view of the action, and he's opened my eyes and challenged stigmas in some unexpected ways.
With these straightforward arrangements, there are never any promises or illusions of a relationship. Our hero is kind, respectful, and gentlemanly. If his dick falls off from overuse, it's in service of (yes, himself, but also) countless horny tourists, lonely 20- and 30-somethings, single mothers, and, most recently, one very nice former exotic dancer. The candor of the whole situation is refreshing, and both parties always seem to be having fun.
It's tougher for women, of course. That kind of openness and sexual freedom still slaps us with labels like "slut," "whore," "loose," and worse, but it shouldn't. Let me be one more voice shouting into the megaphone in support of the victimless crime of sexual promiscuity.
Should you find yourself a casual fuckbuddy in between relationships, sexologist Dr. Melinda DeSeta says, "Casual sex between relationships is a positive way to 'invibe' your inner sex, but only if you can check a few mental health boxes first. Sex is a vulnerable experience, and clear communication is essential to prevent a broken heart."
Right. There's the risky possibility of catching feelings — if you're not careful and intentional, your nicotine-patch lover could become your dreaded next heartbreak. Dr. DeSeta recommends setting limits with potential lovers from the beginning and communicating clear intentions and emotional boundaries.
It's easier said than done, but I talked to some readers who had excellent examples of how they've made no-strings arrangements work for them. One common strategy is choosing partners whose lives don't fit in neatly with your own. A lesbian woman in her 30s told me she only seeks out straight women, so she has no danger of falling into a relationship.
One single mother in her 50s purposely seeks out childless men in their 30s: "You don't get invested if you can't see the big picture."
Another reader advocated for rotating several lovers at a time, reasoning, "You need to have a few so you can just enjoy and have fun without getting clobbered."
Adds Dr. DeSeta, "If you do find yourself catching feelings, have a little heart-to-heart with yourself about what those feelings mean. Are you ready to take things further? If so, it might be time to have an honest conversation with the other person. Be upfront about how you feel, but also be ready for any response."
