There's always hope, though. Every new year brings the opportunity to do better, try harder, and, I don't know, grow as a community or whatever. That's why I've compiled a list of resolutions for Miami daters, in hopes that we can shed our national reputation and prove that we are so much more than gold diggers, deadbeats, and BBLs.
No More Ghosting
This is ambitious, but it would be a great start. There's not much worse than thinking you've had a lovely date — great vibes, a palpable connection — only to have the other person disappear like the Alexander brothers if they got to keep their passports. It's hurtful and disrespectful, and it leaves the other person wondering what might be wrong with them. Let's say goodbye to soft ghosting, too. Just be upfront. Say, "I'm not that into you." Or maybe something kinder, like, "I don't think this is going anywhere." Make it a goal in 2025: If you're going on a date, be honest with the other person about how you're feeling.Define the Situationship or Move on
In keeping with the spirit of honesty, let's release our lovers from dating purgatory. If you're not ready to commit, set your partner free. If you have past relationship trauma, go to therapy. Let's stop treating people like options unless they're in the same place as you.Stop Using Height as a Dating Requirement
This one is mostly for the cis hetero females. If you're not tall enough to walk the Victoria's Secret catwalk, give the short kings a chance. This is Miami, not the Netherlands (the world's tallest nation per capita), where the average man measures the all-important six feet. Ladies, you are eliminating a giant pool of eligible men with this silly criterion.Try IRL Dating Events Instead of Apps
Have you ever heard anyone say, "I love meeting people for potential long-term relationships on the apps!" Me neither. While it's certainly possible, success on the platforms is more of a needle-in-the-haystack situation than a tried-and-true method. Generally speaking, they're great for hookups but soul-crushing for those in search of true connection. There's hope, though — local groups like the nonprofit We Met in Miami and member's Club MMingle are hosting IRL meet and greets throughout the city.Walk Away From That Toxic Relationship or Marriage
Just do it. I'm not referring to partnerships with workable issues where effort, time, and therapy can provide solutions. I'm referring to people with toxic, abusive, gaslighting, cheating, and underappreciative partners who need to get the fuck out. Don't let anyone tell you there aren't options out there. Bye, Felicia!Try Ass Eating or Pegging
I'm just saying, try something new in 2025. Maybe it'll spice things up, and you'll discover a new erogenous zone or kink. Or, maybe it'll hurt or literally taste like shit. (Resolution No. 7: Invest in baby wipes.)Concerning my own experience, I plead the fifth, but my New Year's resolution is to write an entire column about these trends in the coming year. Stay tuned.
This is by no means an exhaustive list and, like all New Year's resolutions, will probably be broken again and again. But if you take away at least one intention from this list, Miami just might fare better in the 2025 dating polls. Let's all do our part.
