The Best Places for Public Sex in Miami

If we put aside our social constructs and programming, we're all just animals at our core. Our species is sustained just like any other — we eat, drink, sleep, and mate. So it's not all that surprising some among us have the urge to practice the latter in public, just like the rest of the animal kingdom.

Add to that our natural surroundings, which are among the most beautiful on Earth. With the splendor of nature at our doorstep and lithe, tanned bodies roaming the streets, sex is almost literally in the air here. Is public fornication legal? Of course not — so we technically can't encourage anyone to whip it out at Flamingo Park after sundown.

But our intrepid readers have input (and, apparently, expertise) on this topic, so we've compiled a list of the best local places to get it on for all the budding and established exhibitionists out there. Here are the best public places to get your freak on in Miami.

The Alley Behind Factory Town

My first thought at this reader submission was "gross." But my second thought was, "I get it." Most of the time, if you're venturing to Factory Town, you're leaving around sunrise with several substances swimming in your system. Maybe it's the romance of an abandoned construction site, the visceral thrill from all the high-octane EDM, or perhaps you're still rolling your face off — whatever the reason behind your sexual surge, make sure to wear a rubber.

The Beach

While this is the classic South Florida location for public hookups — the cortadito of open-air playtime, if you will — public beach sex needs several disclaimers. During the daytime, there are families around, so just don't do it. At night, it can be dodgy. Some people think the sand is the most significant risk, but that's what lifeguard stands and towels are for. The truth is, you never know who might be trolling the beach at night, so please strip down at your own risk. Yes, there is something magical about the way the moonlight sparkles over an inky sea and the crashing of waves muffling your little moans (ah, memories), but staying safe is also important.

Cemeteries

It's giving Morticia and Gomez Addams (if that's your kind of thing). Public sex can be risky, but at least here, the people around you can't rat you out. Bring a pillow and some incense to set the mood, and try to avoid grandma's plot (that generation can be so judgmental). An added bonus: If you're here after dark, there's a pretty low probability strangers will just happen to walk by.

Gym Steam Rooms and Saunas

Sweat. Muscles. Testosterone. Steam. It's the perfect recipe for PDA on steroids (or voyeurism if that's more your speed). One reader summed up his odds of cruising at the gym this way: "It's hard to go to the sauna at [gym name redacted] and not get a blow job." You have to admit: If you're struggling to get to the gym, this is a pretty great motivating factor.

Hiking Trails

This suggestion allows you and your lover to become one with each other and with nature. Smell the grass between your toes and leave your, um, seed behind to take its rightful place in the circle of life. Choose a quiet spot just off the trail and slather on the bug spray (no one wants a creepy crawly inside their delicate place). Try to make it quick, though — you never know who (or what) might be lurking just around the corner.

Home Depot Bathrooms

According to our reader submissions, this is a real, verified thing. Apparently, cavernous spaces and fluorescent overhead lighting just get some people going. Perhaps it's the primal thought of nail guns drilling into drywall. Maybe it's all the hammers and screws. I really don't know. Try it and report back?

The Library

As an author, I really can't endorse this one, but since multiple people recommended these hallowed halls, libraries made the list. Maybe reading turns you on (which I totally get), or maybe it's the fact that these spaces are clean, understaffed, and have plenty of quiet, hidden areas. Whatever your reason, one courtesy, please: If you must get naughty in the stacks, keep your fluids off the pages.

Miami Velvet

Bookmark this as the only entry where you can legally get your rocks off (maybe even with someone else's spouse, and possibly with an audience). Miami Velvet is the 305's oldest and most established swingers' club, and let's just say no one is surprised if you come here for sex. Guests must be members, but memberships can easily be purchased at the door. The dancefloor can get freaky, but most penetration takes place in the group or private playrooms, the kink lounge, or the new and improved shower room.